It has occured to me that perhaps the discomfort we feel in our bodies during perimenopause often correlates to the beginning of the uncomfortable questions we may find ourselves asking at mid-life. It’s as though we wake up from a long nap and have no idea where we are, how long we’ve been asleep and more importantly what we are waking up to. We wake up from a nap to begin a new chapter in our lives, hopefully, an authentic, joy-filled, self-referenced one. We may have no idea what our true life looks like..nor do we need to for now. We just need to question, and we do, every choice..our purpose, our relationships, our very life and how we’ve lived it. Perhaps, we’ve been like the Talking Heads song, “letting the days go by” and we wake up to find this is “not our life”. We wonder if we’ve lived our life or someone else’s idea of it.
Home is what we are looking for. But now, home is not our spouses, lovers, job or even our children. Home is deep inside us, a place where we begin to hear our voice, our yearnings, our lost dreams and this lights a fire within us. One that some experience as rage during this time or anxiety if we fear what we “hear”. The rage sets off a fight for what we can no longer deny, ignore, or stuff away. It screams, what about me? The rage is often directed at all that we no longer want in our lives, it screams no to everything we can’t and no longer want to be. The shackles slip off and the self-created prison door opens.
Still, we can’t always seem to step free. We may no longer know who we are . We stopped listening to that deep voice a long time ago. Perhaps our truth got drowned out by compromise, “good girl” contracts, fitting in, being accepted, and not wanting to cause trouble. It feels safer to stay inside this prison until perhaps we are strong enough to take the step towards our authentic self. If not, we may find we get pushed out against our will through infidelity, divorce, kids leaving home, disease or depression.
One way or another we step out to the unknown second half of our life much like we did at eighteen, frightened, unsure, but hopefully ready. Life is a beautiful journey of parallel roads. Which road are you willing to take? who will come with you? will it be easy or difficulty? You are the creator this time and there’s a jewel that awaits on the other side. A life awakened to all possibilities, pure joy. It’s time to play full out..your life is waiting.
Posted by Penny Mahood 
